The announcement of the latest incarnation of Doctor Who prompted me to wonder whether the Time Lords have been advising our delightful duopoly train operating companies on techniques to reduce reported train delays?

Having recently experienced a fairly major delay on one of the Generally Worsening Railway services to Padd­ington, I was perplexed to be told that the delayed service had arrived at Paddington 11 minutes before the passengers.

Perhaps this was enabled through the application of Time And Relative Dimensions In Space techniques.

Being a bear of little brain, I find it helpful, when delayed, to photograph the platform display sign clock on arrival, so I have a record of the delay.

On this particular occasion, the Generally Woeful Railway company’s train manager suggested we abandon the service at a rather modest station in London’s Metroland and complete our journey as best we can on the local commuter trains.

Not surprisingly, decanting all of the passengers of a busy non-carriage intercity service onto the unsuspecting station resulted in dangerously over-crowded platforms.

This was exacerbated by the chaotic state of the local commuter services also affected by the disruption, there was a remarkable similarity between Ernie, the electronic random number generator which selects premium bond winners, and the platform passenger information display both generating pseudo-random information.

Eventually a three-carriage commuter train arrived apparently bound for Paddington so those of us perilously close to the platform edge where shot into the train by the pressure of those behind.

Contacting customer services afterwards, I was told that the reported delay was 11 minutes less than the delay reflected in the time shown by the platform clock and, surprise, surprise, just under the magic 60-minute threshold.

Then again, an alternative explanation could be that once the train had been emptied of its troublesome contents, the service eventually continued onto Paddington empty and arrived some 11 minutes before its irksome passengers and denying any chance of compensation for the delays.

Heaven forfend that the company’s motto might be ‘Profit before Passengers’ but at least we have the new rolling stock pens, I mean rolling stock to look forward to.

Alan Bennett

Station Road, Loddiswell